14 days...

This is maybe the hardest day of my life... With 14 days left I decided that I was going to use the forbidden "L" word in my relationship. And why is it forbidden? Because when those feelings are not reciprocated that is the worst pain the world. The weirdest thing about it is that I didn't even say the words. It was just something that was understood between us, that we both knew that is what I was thinking. But he doesn't feel the same way. I couldn't sleep last night, but I finally managed to cry myself into a restless sleep around 4am and woke up with tears in my eyes. I know I'm young and stupid, but it slipped out and now I don't know what to do. Plus side, Ryan is beyond understanding. He is the most supportive person I know. Which is this situation, is very ironic. I just feel very sick and alone and helpless. There isn't any time for this relationship to grow deeper for him. I have 14 days. I'm really having one of those days where I just don't want to go. I really want to stay here, with him, in his arms. Forever. I don't want to leave. I don't want to have to worry about breaking up in two weeks. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with him.

Well this is quite the sappy, pathetic, sad post. What's the worst part? I can't even use the word for anything now. It sounds wrong. I feel so incredibly sick. I don't think I'm going to eat today...