Yet Another Blog Post

I'm so bad at blogging lately. But even though nobody let me know they were out there, I will continue writing for my faithful readers because I know you are there, you're just shy. Let's catch up on the last few days, shall we?

Monday was just like any other Monday. I went to school and came home. But then I decided that I'm spending too much time staring at a computer screen and I'm getting fat. So I took one of the family bikes and took a ride into Hannut. Once I was there, I decided it would be a good idea to go visit Marie. Remember? Léo's mom! So a hop, skip and a jump and I was at her store and we chatted it up while she closed. It was so nice catching up with her. We talked til about 30 and then I realized that I had to get home to eat dinner. So I took my bike back and felt accomplished and happy once I got back. I had dinner with the family as usual and then went up to bed, as usual.

Tuesday was not very out of the ordinary either. Because I've had teachers absent lately, I had the afternoon off. So Talia and I went back to her house after deciding that we didn't have the time really to leave Hannut. And I ate something very unusual. Can you guess what it is? I bet you never will. We made sandwiches that she used to make in the States. Basically what they are is two pieces of bread with a sunny side up egg and cheese. Normal, right? But there is one more ingredient. PEANUT BUTTER!!! Not a joke, people. And it was so good! I was surprised at how delicious it was, but really, I thoroughly enjoyed it. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching Mamma Mia! I love Meryl Streep. So very very much. She rocks every role she plays. Anyways, I went back into Hannut around 6pm and my host mom picked me up and we went back home to eat dinner with the family. We had breaded fish stuffed with spinach. It was so nice to have some light, vegetable-y food. Of course, this was paired with cheesy potatoes. Not so light. I then went to dance that night. Apparently we are going to take my Lady Gaga choreography from the theater at school and put it to Aretha Franklin music for the recital... It'll be interesting...

Today was, well, Wednesday. And pretty much all Wednesdays go the same at school, since it's only a half day. Went to school, went home from school, ate lunch, did some computer shtuff, and then went out for the afternoon with a friend. We went and got ice cream from that same little place from before. I got the Kriek flavor, which was really good! And this evening, I went back to Bertrée for a barbecue with Ben, Olivier, Marie, and two other people who I didn't know, but met. We had a really great time! And I got to see Léo again too. He is so freaking adorable, I can't stand it. We ate, talked, cut Marie's hair, ya know, normal stuff. I had a nice night.

And now here I am, back home, trying to de-stress from everything that is going on for the moment. Basically, I don't know exactly what I'm doing next year, but I don't think that I am going to go to Point Park, in the end. And I was planning an Amsterdam trip this weekend, but I don't think that is happening either. Hopefully Spain is still a-go. We will find out. But I just need to sleep now. So goodnight everyone.

Some Candid Thoughts...

Today was uneventful. So I think I will take this opportunity to talk about something deeper than just the classes I took or the food I ate. Tonight, I will pour my heart out, and let everyone out there understand just how vulnerable and humbled these first three weeks have made me.

Being here for three weeks, it seems like an eternity. I feel like I am living a different life. I left behind caring friends, a beautifully loving family, a wonderful boyfriend and just basically a really blessed, fortunate life. And I decided that part of that fortunate life was going to be taking the opportunity to go abroad, see a different part of the world and broaden my horizons. Going in, I knew it was going to be one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. And so far, it has definitely proven to be so. I think about what I left behind every day. Some days, it is sad to think about the fact that I am not sharing this year of my life with them. But other days, most days, it is just a reminisce of a past life. Because this year is different. This year is separate from all the other years that I have lived in the past, and will live in the future. This year is a chance to experience something that most people only dream about. This year, I cry, I laugh, I smile, I yell, I love, I live. This year, I grow.

It is true that this will be one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. I am lost here. I don't understand the things going on around me. I constantly have to strain my brain to comprehend the things people say to me, leaving me beyond exhausted every night, but unable to sleep without being plagued by dreams that make me believe that I am home with the people I love, only to wake up in the morning unrested but with no choice but to endure another day of the tsunami that is the French language. I find myself not fitting in, and feeling so out of place. I find myself getting frustrated. Not only with the people around me and the situation that is causing me so much hardship, but also at myself for thinking that this was a good idea. For thinking that I could handle this and that I could learn another life. And at God, for letting me fall into this. For letting me make this decision without fully understanding what I was about to undergo. I find myself wanting to go home.

So yes, it is true that this will be, and is, one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. But it is also true that it will be one of the most strengthening, empowering, and self-defining experiences as well. Behind all of that sadness and worry and confusion is a strong-willed, ambitious girl who has decided that it was time to see something other than her own backyard. For every tear I shed, there are three smiles. For every sad moment, there are five moments of laughter. For every person I miss back home, there is someone here waiting for me. For every thought of angst and sadness, there is a prayer. And with every smile, and every laugh, and every person and every prayer, there is hope and light and the knowledge that I made the right the decision. That I took a risk and it was for the best. That I will learn more in this year, about the world and about myself, than I could ever imagine. This year, this separate life, will undoubtedly be the greatest tool I will receive to turn my life back home into the most rewarding and fulfilling life that I am capable of living. Every single experience of the year will be applied to my life as a whole. This one decision, this one risk that I have taken, will affect my entire life from here on in. And after much internal debate and an emotional roller coaster that will out-thrill any theme park ride, I have decided that this decision was the right one. And through all the struggle, and all the pain will come a stronger me. A me that can conquer anything that life decides to throw my way. So am I sad to leave my life behind for year? Yes. Do I miss the people I left behind? Absolutely. Do I get sad and stressed out every so often? You better believe it. But all of it will be worth it. This, I know for a fact.