The Loose Ends

I need to finish writing my post about the wedding and my last few days in Belgium... So let's see, I have already talked about the actual ceremony... Well after the wedding was over, the bride and groom hopped in an old '59 Chevy convertible and the rest of us got in our (not as cool) cars and started a parade driving through the town, all honking our horns. Little kids came out into the street and we threw candy out the windows to them. It's a Swiss tradition. Then we went to the place where we would have the first part of the reception, basically to talk, have a drink, and the appetizers. We socialized, ate food, and took pictures for a couple hours, then got back in our cars and made our way to the hall where we would have the dinner. The bride threw the bouquet and then we went inside and had our meal. The hall was beautifully decorated and the food was delicious. They did cake afterwards as well, which was also beautiful. Throughout the meal, there were little skits, songs, videos and games that were organized to keep everyone entertained. And it was so much fun! That night, Jeff and I stayed at Yann-Amael's parents' house. The next morning, we got up and had breakfast and then went to the train station to catch our train with Miguel and Kelsey to Geneva, where we caught our (late) plane home. We then took a train from Brussels to Landen where my host mom picked us up and we went home to sleep.

The next day was our day in Brussels. We went to the train station and caught our train there and spent the whole day walking around, taking pictures, and touring the city. I think it was the first time that I got to see it in the sun. We saw things I've seen multiple times, but also things that I've never seen before. We had mussels and fries for lunch and Jeff tried his first Belgian waffle with banana, nutella, and whipped cream on it. One of the coolest parts about the day was that it was the 4th of July and even though the Belgians do not celebrate it as an Independence Day, the Mannekin Pis was all decked out in America garb, complete with a hat that said "YES WE CAN". We also found out that Talia, Eduardo, and Gaby were all in Brussels as well so we met up with them and went to get a drink. We went to a bar called Delirium and each got a different beer and played a sort of "game" called "the Roto" where we passed the beers around the circle until they were gone. We got a two different kinds of normal beer (Delirium and Kwak), a banana beer, a passion fruit beer, and, ready for it? A Cookie Beer. It. Was. Disgusting. I don't think I've ever tasted anything so nasty. The passion fruit was bearable, and the banana smelled awful. But we passed them around until they were gone.

Eventually, Ben met up with us and we moved to another bar where Jeff tried a few different kinds of Belgian beer. The others left us and we just hung out for the night. But we eventually had to go home, so we took the metro to get back to the car. This is where things started to go wrong. We got to the street where the car was and these two guys came up to us and asked if we had a cigarette. Benjamin, being the ridiculously overly nice person that he is, stopped to give them one. Well, this meant that they would follow us. One of them disappeared but the other one was talking to us, especially to Jeff, talking about soccer since he was wearing a jersey. They had a sort of broken French/English conversation and he was putting his arm around him and just being strange. Eventually he left. We got in the car, but Ben noticed that the glove compartment was open and starting freaking out. Turns out that there had been a GPS there and somebody had broken into the car and stolen it. The next thing we know, Jeff is telling us that that guy had stolen the gold chain that he has been wearing around his neck since his aunt gave it to him when he was 13. So Ben jumped out of the car and ran up the street looking for the guy. Jeff ran after him and I ran after Jeff who told me to stay by the car. I, of course, protested, saying that I wasn't going to stay anywhere alone. Well, the guys were long gone by then and there was no trace of them. So we got in the car and started heading home. But of course, Brussels is potentially the most poorly marked city in the world, and we ended up lost, unable to find the highway. We didn't get home until very late, and when we did finally make it, we came home to two random donkeys in the middle of the road. Talk about an odd day... We went upstairs and went to bed that night, happy for the day to be over.

The next day we took a bus to take a train to head into Liège. I got us lost on the bus IN Liège, but we quickly fixed the mistake and got back on our way. We didn't have much time there, but we managed to get lunch, get a waffle, walk around a little, and get Jeff some Belgian chocolate before he caught his train back to Germany. I went back home to Hannut and realized that I didn't have much time left in Belgium...

Until I left, I just spent time with friends and family. I was packing frantically, trying to get everything together, and I eventually succeeded. On the evening before I left, Talia put together a little party for me and Mikayla as a sort of going away. All the most important people were there and we had a good time together. The next day, as you all know, was the big drama in the airport.

I did leave the 11th, even though they offered me the same deal once again. But I took those two flights home. They were extremely long and I had cried in both planes and I was ready to be with my family. My mom and dad and sister picked me up at the Cleveland airport, drove me quickly home to shower, and then we went out to meet up with my grandparents for a nice welcome home dinner at Red Lobster. I have never enjoyed crab legs and Cheddar Bay Biscuits more in my life. And my water was free. And I used the bathroom for free. It was amazing.

There you go. The end of the journey, the end of the chapter, the end of the year. I can't believe it's over. I can't believe I left. I can't believe that I did it. I succeeded. I went through a year of a foreign exchange, something that people only dream of. A year in Europe. A year in a world where I didn't speak the language, know the culture, or have any connections. I left that place bilingual, feeling like it was my home, with countless friends and a new family. Belgium will always hold a special place in my heart. Now that I am back at "home" in Parma, Ohio, I realize how much little Hannut was like a second home to me. I find that I had rooted myself there. And pulling up roots is not as easy as it looks. Although some of them come out clean, there are always some that have soil stuck to them, and then those few that break. But what is on the other end of those roots? A beautiful, full, open flower. Full of color, wisdom, and experience. I have never been prouder of myself. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I have no regrets, and I would not change the year for anything. It was not all sunshine and rainbows, but in the end, each hardship that I had to face made me stronger, and built my character. I am who I am now because of the effects of the year, both good and bad. And I do believe that I am more mature, well-rounded, rational, and overall a better person. I met people, and made connections and relationships that will last for a lifetime. I visited seven different countries, have friends from all over the world, and made one connection that will never break. This year, I learned to cry, laugh, love, feel, scream, whisper, smile, but most importantly, live. I learned about the world, but most importantly, me. I learned that not everything is easy, but most importantly, that everything happens for a reason. I learned so much that I cannot put into words. And I can't believe it has ended. It feels like I closed my eyes eleven months ago and dreamt it all and am just now waking up, back in Ohio, in my life. Part of me feels like I never left. But the other part knows that it only feels that way because it DID happen. I DID do it. And contrary to everyone who thought I'd never leave, or thought I never had the guts, I say HA. Because I succeeded. I made it, and yes, I can do it all. This may be the end of a year, of a blog. But for me, this, my friends, why this is only the beginning.

The End.

I'm leaving tomorrow at 10 45am. That is less than 24 hours from right now. At this time tomorrow, I will be at home, in Cleveland. I want to write a big sappy blog post about it, but the fact is that it's not hitting me. I can't get the fact through my head... So for now, this is it. My ending post. Of course, it's not my last, because I will write the long thought out poetic post probably tomorrow while I'm on the plane, after crying my eyes out for hours on end. See y'all on the other side.

Here We Go...

So it is now 5:51 on Tuesday morning. And I am leaving in a couple hours. I got a call from my travel agent yesterday and she told me that it turns out I CAN leave as planned, I just have to go pick up my passport and visa from the local FedEx. And I would have posted something about this yesterday when it happened, except I've been running around like a mad person since I heard, trying to get everything together. So now I'm just jumping on here quickly to post my final entry from Ohio. (I will probably post one during the layover)

I am nervous and scared and terrified. But to be honest, it's not entirely sinking in. I don't think it will until I am either on the plane, or when I get there. I'm so scared. Scared actually doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now... Part of me really does not want to leave. I don't want to leave my friends and family and boyfriend behind... But I know I cannot pass this up. I have to suck it up and go on this journey and begin this endeavor. And I know it's going to be great :) All the people around me have been absolutely fantastic and supportive and I love them all. So, it is now 5:56, and this is my goodbye for now :)

Less Than A Week Left...

Today is Wednesday. I leave on Tuesday. GAHH I only have like 6 days left!! I really meant to post every day since the beginning of August but that just didn't happen. There's been way too much going on. We had my send-off party/graduation party on Sunday. It was really nice because there were a lot of people there that support me in this whole adventure :) I love the support from my friends and family. It is all that is getting me through this, because I'm really starting to freak out. This departure date is sneaking up on me so fast... And it still isn't really hitting me. Well no, I guess it is. But it's odd because it definitely comes and goes in spurts. All of the sudden I'll just realize how real this is and how scary it is, but then it goes away and all I can think about is how excited I am. But most of the time I'm just feeling nervous now. I really am psyched to go, but the level of uncertainty on how this is going to go is just so nerve-wracking.

It also doesn't help that I am without my rock this week :( My boyfriend left yesterday to go to his ROTC orientation, and he is without communication for the next four days. Since we started dating we haven't gone more than a few hours without at least a text message. And now there will be nothing until late Saturday night. But I am extremely grateful that he is coming back for those two days before I leave.

My family is taking me out to dinner tonight. My whole family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents included. We are going to a Lebanese restaurant that is apparently very good. We are Lebanese and my mother and I have been eating Lebanese food for our entire lives. (My father and sister really don't like the food, so they leave it alone) But the point is that we have family recipes and we are very picky about the way other people make these foods. So I'm really looking forward to this because it got the stamp of approval from my uncle, so it should be pretty good. And I'm really excited to spend this last time with my family before I go.

For now, that is all. I need to finish packing. Grrrr the chores that go with this... (ha) I'm sure I'll be posting a new packing list later tonight, along with pictures of the wonderful food that I will be eating :P

I wish there was a lip-licking emoticon... Just a side note.

14 days...

This is maybe the hardest day of my life... With 14 days left I decided that I was going to use the forbidden "L" word in my relationship. And why is it forbidden? Because when those feelings are not reciprocated that is the worst pain the world. The weirdest thing about it is that I didn't even say the words. It was just something that was understood between us, that we both knew that is what I was thinking. But he doesn't feel the same way. I couldn't sleep last night, but I finally managed to cry myself into a restless sleep around 4am and woke up with tears in my eyes. I know I'm young and stupid, but it slipped out and now I don't know what to do. Plus side, Ryan is beyond understanding. He is the most supportive person I know. Which is this situation, is very ironic. I just feel very sick and alone and helpless. There isn't any time for this relationship to grow deeper for him. I have 14 days. I'm really having one of those days where I just don't want to go. I really want to stay here, with him, in his arms. Forever. I don't want to leave. I don't want to have to worry about breaking up in two weeks. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with him.

Well this is quite the sappy, pathetic, sad post. What's the worst part? I can't even use the word for anything now. It sounds wrong. I feel so incredibly sick. I don't think I'm going to eat today...

Ohh Emm Gee

I leave in 21 days. I can't handle this!!! I have so much to do before I leave and not enough time to do it in. However, slowly but surely, I have been making progress on my list and going to buy the things I need and take care of the things I have to take care of.

One of my random thoughts: I've been thinking about the French language lately since I'll have to speak it all the time very soon. In French, there are two forms of "you". There is an informal and a formal form, which also doubles as singular and plural forms. Of course, in English, there is one. "You". Obviously. But it's actually been bothering me lately. Like, I feel rude when I use the word "you" with someone I do not know well, or an adult, or just someone I should be super duper polite to. For example, today I went to go babysit like I do every week. And I met the grandmother. And I just felt so impolite saying "you" to her. Which sounds really weird, but that's just how I felt. I felt like there should be another, more polite word to use. But due to the failure of the English language, there isn't another word. The English language has a lot of flaws. But I'm not going to get into that now.

That was slightly ramble-ish but I that's how my brain works I guess. I've also been thinking about how often I end sentences with prepositions... Wow I am a nerd... What kind of 18 year old girl thinks about stuff like that? But every time I do it, I think about how wrong it is and how I should fix it. But then I don't feel like going back and changing the entire sentence around to make it okay.

Anyway, I really am rambling now. The point of this post was to say OMGILEAVEIN21DAYS!!!! And I did that hehe :)