The End.

I'm leaving tomorrow at 10 45am. That is less than 24 hours from right now. At this time tomorrow, I will be at home, in Cleveland. I want to write a big sappy blog post about it, but the fact is that it's not hitting me. I can't get the fact through my head... So for now, this is it. My ending post. Of course, it's not my last, because I will write the long thought out poetic post probably tomorrow while I'm on the plane, after crying my eyes out for hours on end. See y'all on the other side.

11 Days...

And the Countdown begins... I have 11 days left until the Big Day when I leave this country and go back to the one that I call "home". Before I get all sentimental, let's recap the last few days.

Friday was the day after the ball. Which meant that everyone was EXHAUSTED. But what does this mean? The perfect day to throw a surprise birthday party for Manon! I had to go into Hannut for a dance rehearsal (that didn't seem to exist. I waited around an hour for people that didn't show up) but once I came back, it was a mad house. We were all running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get things ready and organizing and reorganizing around Manon who was wanting to come home early because she was tired, like the rest of us. But we got it all worked out with another one of our friends, Vanille, who made up a story about fighting with her boyfriend to get Manon to stay the whole afternoon with her. Around 7pm, people started arriving at the house and by 7 30, Manon was walking through the door and being greeted by a huge SURPRISE from all of us. I have lovely pictures. The best part about it? Because of the course of events and circumstances, she came home with her hair still pinned up from the ball, her pearls still around her neck, and her pajamas on. Nicely done Manon :) She went upstairs to shower and change and then we all spent the evening together, eating barbecue (again) and chit chatting. Eventually, we got back into Belgian customs and the alcohol came out. The big news of the night? There was a party (techno, of course) just a few feet away from our house and a couple of the kids went over there around midnight. Well, they came back early, around 1am, because there was a huge fight involving a cult-ish group of people, knives, the police, and an ambulance. Serious stuff, man. I went up to bed around 1 30am because I needed to get up in the morning to dance.

Which I did. Saturday was just that. I went to dance in the morning and then went to see Ben in the afternoon. We had to go our separate ways in the evening because I had yet another surprise party, this time for Romane before she leaves. She is going to Australia for a couple of months and her friends organized a little get-together for her. We all walked in a group (about 25 of us) to her house, her sister blindfolded her and then brought her outside and we surprised her. She was very happy and we all spent the evening with her. I didn't know many people there, so Perrine and I passed the night peeling the foil off of bottle caps and then stacking them. It's more entertaining than you think. We had a whole group of people doing it by the end of the night.

Sunday I slept in. Til almost 2pm. It was lovely. That afternoon, I had yet another little party to go to, this time with the students of Madame Noel. We all got together around 4pm, ate ice cream, sat around and chilled. My camera wasn't working, oddly. But it works again now, so I'm not asking questions, I'm just going with it. Eventually we ate dinner also, and then I left around 10 30pm because I was just so exhausted. I went home and I slept.

Yesterday was Monday, a pretty average day, but also topped off by a surprise birthday party. This time for our friend Lucie who's birthday was actually in January. It was cute though because when she came in, they put on "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds". We, like all the other parties, spent the night eating and socializing, even dancing like crazy people at one point. Manon and Talia and I left around 11 30pm, again, to sleep. Though I stayed up til about 2am Skyping with my Daddy :)

Yesterday, also, I started to pack. I went through all my clothes and made a nice big pile of stuff that I don't really want anymore. I'm starting to get nervous about getting everything home, even with my nice pile. The fact is that I just have a lot of stuff. I have to continue going through it all and getting rid of things. I'm sure I'll be going home wearing about ten layers of clothing, all heavy and hot and I may die of heat stroke. Hopefully not, but we'll see. I also have to decide where I want to eat the night that I get home, which is proving to be one of the most difficult decisions of my life. What from the States have I missed the most?! It's really hard to choose. But i already told my family that I want a giant American breakfast the next morning. Hopefully the time difference won't mess too much with my head.

I'm not ready to get emotional on this blog yet. I'm already a little ball of emotional wreckage. Can't we wait to publicize it? Sorry, it'll come after I get back from Switzerland. Bye!

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Nothing particularly exciting happened today, but like I said before, I'm trying to back into the habit of daily blogging, so here's my little tid bit for today.

By the way, did everyone enjoy my little French post yesterday? I have to say, I'm pretty proud of it.

Today, we continued exams. I took the religion one this morning, first thing when I got to school.

OK PAUSE. I need to rant about something here. THE BELGIANS DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. Ok I got that out there. This is seriously something that is driving me bonkers. Ok first of all, they drive slowly to begin with because it's winter. But there's no ice on the roads. Not even snow. In fact, this morning it was above zero Celsius which means that it's not even freezing temperature. So the roads were completely clear. But they were still crawling. And then, oh baby, it started snowing. My host mom immediately dropped speed down to about 40 kilometers per hour. For those of you back in the States, that's about 25 mph. OH MY GOD. Nobody ever drives that speed in the States. Ever. EVER. I swear I was going to tear my hair out. It took everything in me to keep from yelling "ALLER!!".

If you couldn't tell, I'm a little stressed lately.

It has also hit me recently that I am actually living in Belgium. Obviously I already knew that, but yesterday when I was making cookies, I had my first conscious moment where I felt truly at home in my host house. The good part about this, I really finally am almost completely comfortable where I am. I truly feel at home here, and I am really no longer intimidated by my host dad. That's an accomplishment, trust me. The bad part? I leave in less than a month. Yessir, in a few weeks it will be time to change families. That boggles my mind. My exchange is creeping along, but at the same time, it's going so fast. Next weekend, I will have been here four months. Crazy!! But then the other thing I was thinking about was that it's probably a really good thing that I am leaving right as I am feeling homey. A good thing? she says. Why, she's crazy! What is good about that? Well think about it. How difficult was it for me to leave my house? How much time did I spend missing my family and being sad? Well if I stayed in the same house all year, it would become my home. And then I would have to do all of that over again when I leave in August. So I guess it's good not to get too attached to one place. Our heart can only be pulled in so many directions.

I got totally off topic here. So about that religion exam... I'm actually pretty confident with it. I answered all the questions that were necessary and I knew what I was talking about for almost all of them. They were all short answer, so by the end of it, I had written three pages worth of French. Which, a couple months ago I would have thought an impossible feat. But I am proud of myself and of my work.

On the downside, I received zero out of ten on my last geography test. And that, boys and girls, is why Emma Clark opted out of the geography exam.

Apparently I'm going to a Chinese restaurant this weekend.

My cookies were a big hit today.

I'm exhausted and I need to go to bed.

I'm ranting now and this is getting extremely random.

Bonne nuit!

Beastin' Up The Blog

This the third post I have for the day... And it's the last, I promise. This is my average, this-is-what-I-did-today post.

Last night, I spent the night at Talia's. This seems to be becoming a regular occurrence. One that I thoroughly enjoy! We watched "Julie & Julia". Which means that I have now seen that movie three times since I've gotten here. And I don't mind one bit. I love that movie! But of course, what is a sleepover without girl talk? We paused the movie multiple times to talk about the States and what we miss about home. Not even so much homesickness conversation, just the little things that we miss. This is what we came up with:

-Mac and Cheese

-Peanut Butter

-Driving (this is a big one)

-College-ruled paper

-Black pens

-Texting

-Cake

-Breakfast with eggs and pancakes

-Artificial, fattening food (ironic, huh?)

-French toast (you'd think they'd have it here, right?)

-Warmth or cold... Not in between

-Being barefoot

-Spending every spare moment with people

There were more, but this is what I remember right now.

Anyways, I left Talia's around 11 for dance. And I have to say, I am beyond grateful that I get to dance here. It is one of the most stress-relieving, freeing things I do. Not even that, but it's so different here for me... The dancing is not different, it's basically the same thing. But the fact that I have no idea what anyone's saying (other than the steps, cause they were in French in the States too) and I don't know what people think about my dancing makes me dance that much better. I'm not worrying about impressing anyone or out dancing anyone or standing out or anything like that. I'm just worrying about doing something that I love. And when that's what is on my mind, I do so much better. If I do say so myself, I danced beautifully today. I felt like I was floating, all through class. One thing I did understand today, was after our leaps, the teacher said that mine were beautiful. She said that I flew through the air. And that just made me feel so good inside. After so much soul-searching this week, that compliment was the perfect little me-boost :)

After class, I went home and ate lunch with the family. Because it was Saturday, it was a big, nice lunch. And I tried a couple different kinds of cheeses... One that actually had ashes in it. I'm not entirely sure why, I couldn't understand everything my host dad was telling me... But regardless it was tasty. Of course that could be because I just really like cheese...

After lunch, I went with my host parents and Damien to a little castle. Just because we could. It was beautiful. They were doing all kinds of restoration on it and every room was gorgeous. My favorite part, though, was the toilet. Because it looked like a throne. Literally! It was upholstered and everything. Very regal, with a nice pile of toilet paper rolls next to it. The grounds were gorgeous too. And they had a machine that cut the lawn by itself! It was like a Roomba for the grass! I thought it was pretty cool. There was also a private church on the grounds and we went to see that too. It was little, but it was breathtaking. I make it a habit not to take pictures in churches, but with this one I just could not resist. So beautiful.

We then went back home and I went for my bike ride, which is all written about in the previous post. Then I came home, ate dinner (pasta with chicken and zucchini, salad with some sort of flower petals in it, bread and cheese... yummm) and that was the end of my night. I went up to my room and continued to write three blog posts :)

Church in the morning. I will understand none of it. Goodnight!

Some Candid Thoughts...

Today was uneventful. So I think I will take this opportunity to talk about something deeper than just the classes I took or the food I ate. Tonight, I will pour my heart out, and let everyone out there understand just how vulnerable and humbled these first three weeks have made me.

Being here for three weeks, it seems like an eternity. I feel like I am living a different life. I left behind caring friends, a beautifully loving family, a wonderful boyfriend and just basically a really blessed, fortunate life. And I decided that part of that fortunate life was going to be taking the opportunity to go abroad, see a different part of the world and broaden my horizons. Going in, I knew it was going to be one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. And so far, it has definitely proven to be so. I think about what I left behind every day. Some days, it is sad to think about the fact that I am not sharing this year of my life with them. But other days, most days, it is just a reminisce of a past life. Because this year is different. This year is separate from all the other years that I have lived in the past, and will live in the future. This year is a chance to experience something that most people only dream about. This year, I cry, I laugh, I smile, I yell, I love, I live. This year, I grow.

It is true that this will be one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. I am lost here. I don't understand the things going on around me. I constantly have to strain my brain to comprehend the things people say to me, leaving me beyond exhausted every night, but unable to sleep without being plagued by dreams that make me believe that I am home with the people I love, only to wake up in the morning unrested but with no choice but to endure another day of the tsunami that is the French language. I find myself not fitting in, and feeling so out of place. I find myself getting frustrated. Not only with the people around me and the situation that is causing me so much hardship, but also at myself for thinking that this was a good idea. For thinking that I could handle this and that I could learn another life. And at God, for letting me fall into this. For letting me make this decision without fully understanding what I was about to undergo. I find myself wanting to go home.

So yes, it is true that this will be, and is, one of the most difficult, painful, and emotional experiences of my life. But it is also true that it will be one of the most strengthening, empowering, and self-defining experiences as well. Behind all of that sadness and worry and confusion is a strong-willed, ambitious girl who has decided that it was time to see something other than her own backyard. For every tear I shed, there are three smiles. For every sad moment, there are five moments of laughter. For every person I miss back home, there is someone here waiting for me. For every thought of angst and sadness, there is a prayer. And with every smile, and every laugh, and every person and every prayer, there is hope and light and the knowledge that I made the right the decision. That I took a risk and it was for the best. That I will learn more in this year, about the world and about myself, than I could ever imagine. This year, this separate life, will undoubtedly be the greatest tool I will receive to turn my life back home into the most rewarding and fulfilling life that I am capable of living. Every single experience of the year will be applied to my life as a whole. This one decision, this one risk that I have taken, will affect my entire life from here on in. And after much internal debate and an emotional roller coaster that will out-thrill any theme park ride, I have decided that this decision was the right one. And through all the struggle, and all the pain will come a stronger me. A me that can conquer anything that life decides to throw my way. So am I sad to leave my life behind for year? Yes. Do I miss the people I left behind? Absolutely. Do I get sad and stressed out every so often? You better believe it. But all of it will be worth it. This, I know for a fact.

Yes, More Waffles

Today was quite an interesting day... I got up after having a dream that I finished my year and went home and nothing had changed and everyone that loved me was there and that I loved was there and it was a dream of love and family and friends and wonderful ness :) And then I woke up. And realized that I was not in my own bed, not in my own house, not in my city or state or country. And I'm sure it's needless to say, it made for a bad start to my day. I did not cry, but I definitely felt down.

But I started to feel better when I opened my bedroom door and was greeted by a nice big box with my name on it, clearly from my family back home :) I immediately brought it into my room and tore it open like a little kid at Christmas! Except that I was a little bit less enthusiastic after realizing that my sister got kind of tape happy and I could not tear it. So my excitement was interrupted by the need to get scissors and by the time I got it out of the wrapping, my vigor was a little dampened... Until I opened the shoe box that contained: 1. A nice big jar of Skippy creamy peanut butter (though I prefer JIF) 2. A pack of JIF To Go peanut butter 3. A bible (Which I asked for) 4. A letter from my sister and a note from my parents and another from my Grandma 5. A PopTart that was surprisingly not a bag of crumbs 6. An old iPod to put my music on for my sister. I was so very very excited to get this package, so my sadness was melting quickly, even though I missed the people that lovingly sent it to me, although it returned as I ate breakfast and prepared for my day...

That feeling did abandon me for a couple of wonderful hours as I met up with my good friend Talia (who is from Minnesota) at the train station in Wareme and took a 20-minute ride to Liège to meet up with some other exchange students.

I'm going to side-track here for a second to talk about how much I really adore the public train system. It is ingenious and convenient and easy and I don't understand why we don't make use of it in the States! Well, yes I do, but I still think we should. Not only is it fast, but it's inexpensive and well-maintained and actually enjoyable to ride. Bottom line: I really like the train :)

Ok back to today. The majority of the exchange students wanted to chill at a local bar but Talia and Brittany and I decided to do a little shopping. My mission today was to find myself a hair straightener. But we were hungry, so we stopped in at the supermarket and grabbed some croissants, BabyBell cheese (how Belgian of us, right?) and a few pears and ate while we walked. We walked forever before we finally found some shops. Let me tell you, Liège is not an easy city to navigate through if you don't know where you're going. We never really got lost, but we did a lot of walking. Finally we found an H&M (no straighteners there) and we did some window shopping and trying on and such. I ended up buying a really nice khaki-colored coat that has a wonderful Audrey Hepburn feel to it. It was almost fifty euros, but I really needed something to keep me warm, so I decided that it was worth it. The plus side? No sales tax in Belgium! And my debit card worked! So it was a successful buy. Then we walked around some more and found a very small mall in the middle of all the plazas so we ventured inside in pursuit of a straightener. We didn't find any stores that carried them, but we did find a sort of convenience store where I stocked up on gum and got some mousse so that my hair would be at least manageable until I found a straightener. (They did carry a few, but they were poor quality)

By this time it was getting close to 4pm so we decided to start making our way back to the bar to meet the other kids cause we had to catch our train back at 5:08. On the way, we probably passed up twenty hair salons, but no place to buy anything for hair. So that was disappointing. But what was not disappointing was finding a nice little bakery tucked away in one of the strips that had fruit-stuffed waffles. I got one with apple filling. It was to die for. Belgian waffles are absolutely fantastic.

So we hooked up with the other exchange students just as they were leaving and we all headed off to a different place to chill for a little while. There, there were tons of other students just hanging out and having a good time. Talia and I stayed for about a half hour before we had to leave to catch our train, and then we headed off to the station.

While I was on the train home, those feelings of sadness started to creep back up on me. It wasn't so much of a homesickness as a feeling of being ready to go home. I just really miss my parents and my friends and family. And daddy hugs. I really miss daddy hugs. Sometimes I just wonder if this was all worth it. I'm only two weeks in and this is a 10-11 month program... I know that it is the experience of a lifetime and that I won't regret it, but sometimes, in the moment, it's awful and I just want to go home. Those feelings followed me for the rest of the day and made me very very tired, not to mention the fact that I decided to go for a run after getting back, so I'm going to turn in for the night, a bit earlier than usual. But, I have a reason. I start school tomorrow, so I must get up early!

Is everyone out there enjoying my antics so far? Hehe :) Bonne nuit.

I Just Want To Go Home...

I just really need to post something somewhere and tell someone what I am feeling right now. I just need to get it out there because it's eating me alive inside.

I want to go home.

I've been here for a week now. And I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to speak broken French and understand broken English. I'm tired of putting on a brave face and saying how wonderful everything is here. I'm tired of attempting to comprehend another language. I'm tired of being friendless and family less. I'm tired of wishing I still had my boyfriend. I'm tired of feeling sick in the mornings because I thought my dreams about being home were real. I'm tired of not being hugged every day. I'm tired of crying. I'm just tired of not being home.

I just want to go home.

Now I hate Parma. I really do. There is nothing there. Except the people that make it my home. And that's why I want to go back. I want to go back to everyone. I want to get my daddy hug and be happy with my boyfriend. I want to be back where I was two weeks ago.

I just want to go home.

Ahhh What A Day...

Today was quite... interesting... I woke up sobbing today. It was the first day since I got here that I really feel like I miss everyone back home. Today was a day of thoughts like, "What am I doing here??" and "Why in the world did I decide to do this???" It's very tiring.

But the interesting things that I wanted to write about... We continued the zucchini theme today with lunch (hehe) and had stuffed zucchini, this time with chicken (poulet) and rice with onion, tomato and tuna! It was surprisingly delicious. We also had shredded carrot with it, yes I mean there was a giant bowl of shredded carrot on the table and we ate it like salad, and sliced seasoned tomatoes. I don't even like tomatoes. It's amazing how much better they taste in Europe! But the real kicker here, stuffed zucchini flower!!!! Yes folks, the flower of the zucchini plant stuffed with spiced chicken. Which is actually really really good. Actually I don't think I've eaten anything here yet that I didn't like.

By the way, Belgian people recycle EVERYTHING! It's awesome! There is garbage can for paper, plastic, glass, anything organic, and then the rest. Which is really cool, I think. And the other really interesting thing that I learned today is that men here say "ma biche". Now say that out loud. And think about what it sounds like in English. You'd think it's an insult right?? Psych!! Literally translated, it means, "my doe" so it's the equivalent of "my dear" to a woman. And it's quite endearing actually. It made me smile inside :)

So today my host family took me to Brugge, which is a big city about two hours from Fumal. It's really cool there. There aren't a lot of cars, but tons of bikes and people walking and, I kid you not, horse-drawn carriages. It was lovely :) And to the American it may seem hokey and touristy and just too darn cute, but the thing is, it's totally not with that intent! Belgians are just adorable!! And they make lace, which is really cool and this old lady was sitting outside a shop doing it and it is probably the most complicated thing I've ever seen. And it's done so fast it's crazy!! But awesome.

Also, just a side note, SO MUCH BEER.

My host parents were so excited to take me to this city. And they spoiled me. Two words: Belgian waffles. And two more words: Belgian chocolate. OH MY GOSH BELGIAN WAFFLES!!! It's like the equivalent to funnel cakes in America. There are just stands everywhere with vendors selling waffles with different toppings. I had mine with powdered sugar. And it was amazing. And the scent when you walked past one of these stands... Ohhhh how I wish I could take a camera-like device and capture that smell and post it on the internet for the whole world to enjoy... And that Belgian chocolate? Ok so believe it or not, chocolate can be very explicit!! Today I saw chocolates in the shapes of certain... uhhh male appendages... complete with a certain... uhh substance... coming out of the top in white chocolate... No, I am not kidding. And this was in a display window!!! For young children to see and point at and say, "What's that mommy?" Oye... Of course this is not where it ends. We had Italian food for dinner and I got a wonderful calzone stuffed with all kinds of veggies (légumes) and amazingly gooey cheese (fromage). But of course, I can't go without dessert! So I had tiramisu gelato. Yummmmmmm

Well I'm doing ok this evening, better than this morning and I have to get up for church in the morning (in French gah!) so goodnight all :)

Day One... GAH

So I got here about 14 hours ago... Yes, I am in Belgium!! So far it's been good. My host mom, Karine, picked me up at the airport after the really uncomfortable 7 hour flight. But we landed a little early so it wasn't too bad. We quickly got ourselves through customs, found our bags and awkwardly loaded them onto carts and tried to steer ourselves through the maze of people to find our host families. Once we got outside all we saw were people everywhere with signs and balloons trying to find the people they needed to pick up. Karine had a sign that said "Welcome Emma!" on it and found her pretty quickly. She had come with her god-daughter Phillipine. Then we made our way to the car and loaded everything up and drove to my new home :) On the way we stopped and I saw my school and the houses of people I would be going to school with, and we even stopped at a little bakery and I got this really delicious raspberry mousse cake thing... Then we got home, I met the fam, had some Special K (weird right?), took a shower and then passed out for I don't know how long. Once I woke up I unpacked myself and wrote a few letters. Then it was dinner time. We had pasta with this really great tomato and meat sauce with zucchini. And then I had my raspberry thing for dessert. OMG yummy food.

Ok so things I have to get used to: The separation of the toilet and the rest of what we Americans call a "bathroom". The toilet is in it's own little room and then the sink, shower and tub are all in another. And the shower does not have a door. Which is interesting... There's a wall separating the shower from the rest of the room but it's still different... I also have to get used to wearing shoes in the house and closing my door when I'm in my room... Those are things that I definitely didn't do at home. I also have to get used the fact that my school isn't right around the corner from the house. In Parma, I could get to school in 5 minutes on my bike. Here, I will leave the house a half hour before school starts. Which is like an hour later than in the States. Oh and no classes on Wednesday afternoons. Nice :) And of course the big one: FRENCH!! Ok so I took 4 years of high school French... And it didn't help as much as I thought it would. I didn't realize how little I know. Like when I actually sit down and think I can put sentences together but then when I'm in the middle of a conversation I blank out entirely and can't say anything. And then after I say it in English and the son translates, I immediately think of what it would be in French... Fail.

But for the most part I already feel pretty at home here. The house is pretty big and it's like 300 years old which is AWESOME. Oh and you know what else is interesting?? The amount of American music that they know. On the way home from picking me up, ABBA was on the radio. Now granted, ABBA isn't necessarily American, but still! And then I heard Michael Buble on the radio and the son knew Death Cab for Cutie. I just found it very interesting.

Of course I am already missing my friends and family. But I think for the most part I will be ok. It's so easy to keep in touch, even though I'll definitely have to restrain myself from being on all the time. I'll expect the next couple nights to be kinda rough, but I think I'll get through it. I know they're with me in my heart. (awwwww)

Alrighty well that's it for now. :)