11 Days...

And the Countdown begins... I have 11 days left until the Big Day when I leave this country and go back to the one that I call "home". Before I get all sentimental, let's recap the last few days.

Friday was the day after the ball. Which meant that everyone was EXHAUSTED. But what does this mean? The perfect day to throw a surprise birthday party for Manon! I had to go into Hannut for a dance rehearsal (that didn't seem to exist. I waited around an hour for people that didn't show up) but once I came back, it was a mad house. We were all running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get things ready and organizing and reorganizing around Manon who was wanting to come home early because she was tired, like the rest of us. But we got it all worked out with another one of our friends, Vanille, who made up a story about fighting with her boyfriend to get Manon to stay the whole afternoon with her. Around 7pm, people started arriving at the house and by 7 30, Manon was walking through the door and being greeted by a huge SURPRISE from all of us. I have lovely pictures. The best part about it? Because of the course of events and circumstances, she came home with her hair still pinned up from the ball, her pearls still around her neck, and her pajamas on. Nicely done Manon :) She went upstairs to shower and change and then we all spent the evening together, eating barbecue (again) and chit chatting. Eventually, we got back into Belgian customs and the alcohol came out. The big news of the night? There was a party (techno, of course) just a few feet away from our house and a couple of the kids went over there around midnight. Well, they came back early, around 1am, because there was a huge fight involving a cult-ish group of people, knives, the police, and an ambulance. Serious stuff, man. I went up to bed around 1 30am because I needed to get up in the morning to dance.

Which I did. Saturday was just that. I went to dance in the morning and then went to see Ben in the afternoon. We had to go our separate ways in the evening because I had yet another surprise party, this time for Romane before she leaves. She is going to Australia for a couple of months and her friends organized a little get-together for her. We all walked in a group (about 25 of us) to her house, her sister blindfolded her and then brought her outside and we surprised her. She was very happy and we all spent the evening with her. I didn't know many people there, so Perrine and I passed the night peeling the foil off of bottle caps and then stacking them. It's more entertaining than you think. We had a whole group of people doing it by the end of the night.

Sunday I slept in. Til almost 2pm. It was lovely. That afternoon, I had yet another little party to go to, this time with the students of Madame Noel. We all got together around 4pm, ate ice cream, sat around and chilled. My camera wasn't working, oddly. But it works again now, so I'm not asking questions, I'm just going with it. Eventually we ate dinner also, and then I left around 10 30pm because I was just so exhausted. I went home and I slept.

Yesterday was Monday, a pretty average day, but also topped off by a surprise birthday party. This time for our friend Lucie who's birthday was actually in January. It was cute though because when she came in, they put on "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds". We, like all the other parties, spent the night eating and socializing, even dancing like crazy people at one point. Manon and Talia and I left around 11 30pm, again, to sleep. Though I stayed up til about 2am Skyping with my Daddy :)

Yesterday, also, I started to pack. I went through all my clothes and made a nice big pile of stuff that I don't really want anymore. I'm starting to get nervous about getting everything home, even with my nice pile. The fact is that I just have a lot of stuff. I have to continue going through it all and getting rid of things. I'm sure I'll be going home wearing about ten layers of clothing, all heavy and hot and I may die of heat stroke. Hopefully not, but we'll see. I also have to decide where I want to eat the night that I get home, which is proving to be one of the most difficult decisions of my life. What from the States have I missed the most?! It's really hard to choose. But i already told my family that I want a giant American breakfast the next morning. Hopefully the time difference won't mess too much with my head.

I'm not ready to get emotional on this blog yet. I'm already a little ball of emotional wreckage. Can't we wait to publicize it? Sorry, it'll come after I get back from Switzerland. Bye!

14 days...

This is maybe the hardest day of my life... With 14 days left I decided that I was going to use the forbidden "L" word in my relationship. And why is it forbidden? Because when those feelings are not reciprocated that is the worst pain the world. The weirdest thing about it is that I didn't even say the words. It was just something that was understood between us, that we both knew that is what I was thinking. But he doesn't feel the same way. I couldn't sleep last night, but I finally managed to cry myself into a restless sleep around 4am and woke up with tears in my eyes. I know I'm young and stupid, but it slipped out and now I don't know what to do. Plus side, Ryan is beyond understanding. He is the most supportive person I know. Which is this situation, is very ironic. I just feel very sick and alone and helpless. There isn't any time for this relationship to grow deeper for him. I have 14 days. I'm really having one of those days where I just don't want to go. I really want to stay here, with him, in his arms. Forever. I don't want to leave. I don't want to have to worry about breaking up in two weeks. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with him.

Well this is quite the sappy, pathetic, sad post. What's the worst part? I can't even use the word for anything now. It sounds wrong. I feel so incredibly sick. I don't think I'm going to eat today...

15 days...

There are now 15 days until I leave. And I don't have much to say, but I think that I must post for the sake of the countdown. My friends and I are trying to plan one big last blowout fun night before I leave. It's going to be epic! I can't wait! I think we're trying to plan for Monday to Tuesday. But that is really all I have to say right now. I'm getting more and more scared. GAH

16 days...

So I have started, yet again, to pack. I probably doubled my load of clothing. But I stuffed it all in the suitcase and, luckily, it all came to about 46 pounds. Which means I have 4 to spare!! But I didn't pack any pajamas, underwear, shoes or accessories yet. I think I'm just going to have to shell out the $50 for a second suitcase. Oh yah I looked it up today. It's $50 for the second and $100 for every case after that. Of course, I get a carry on and a personal also. But that doesn't do me a whole lot of good. Right now, my packing list consists of:

-4 pairs of jeans

-1 pair of khaki pants

-2 pairs of dress pants (one brown, one charcoal)

-11 casual skirts (wow that sounds like a lot when I write it out...)

-8 casual dresses

-2 fancy dresses

-12 casual shirts

-2 vests

-9 pairs of shorts

-4 sweaters

-6 fancy skirts

-3 blazer/jackets

-15 tank tops/sleeveless shirts

-1 casual jacket

-4 button-down shirts

-6 dressy tops

-8 cardigans

-1 Rotary blazer

Phew! That's a long list... And again, that's without some things... Maybe it is too much and I should cut it down... But my style is so big for me!! I'm known for it. Ughh this is just too hard. How about I just stay home??

P.S. Now that I have actually finished this entry, it now the next day, meaning I only have 15 days left now. It's all going too fast.

17 days...

It is August 1st. Which means I have 17 days left until I leave... And I'm really starting to freak out. I mean, I'm not even feeling excitement anymore. Just fear right now. The fear of being alone. The fear of not knowing what anyone's saying. The fear of not getting along with the people around me. The fear of having no friends. The fear of being so far from my family. The fear of losing my boyfriend :( All of these fears are completely warranted, I realize, however, that doesn't make me think that it's ok. I should be excited, right? I should be aching to leave and go dive into this adventure and throw myself into the experience! But no, I am terrified. Of course, it is so possible that that could change by tomorrow and I'll be super excited once again. But the days just keep flying by. And before I know it, I'll be gone. And alone. And confused and practically illiterate! GAHH

Ok that's enough rant for one day.